done

i have EVERYTHING that i absolutelly need to print my last set of what i want to use in my presentation.

i made a big mistake and i kept telling everyone that my websit is www.blogspot.com/poemsofthepresent when its actually poemsofthepresent.blogspot.com ahhh i'm such an idiot but hey i'm human and we all make mistakes sometimes so no sweat im just going to correct everything tomarow and it will all be good.
this week is so overlad for me i hav emy dance show to prepare for and my presentation for this ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
i had the district assesment test today and all i could think of is my presentation it was so distracting

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my last artist is not giving me her art work and it is really stalling me.

vacation

well i have been on vacation for the past 2 weeks and just got back monday so i haven't really worked on anyting. it was very relaxing it brought out some sides of me i didn't know and really gave me a huge break from everything. eventhough wen i came back from mexico last tuesday i had to stay home tell this monday because of the whole swine flu thing. now i'm head over heals in hw and quizes. i think i am handling myself very well because i broke down everything i need to do into days so that i can manage my time.
i finally got art from my second artist, and now i'm yelling at my third artist to bring herwork to me so that i can pubish my last and final copy. then my project will be completlly done and will have fullfilled my dream for this year.
i need to go and plan my presentation i don't know if i should have a power point or not because i wouldn't know what i would wantto put in there other then my poetry and maybe some pointers for myself so that i can present easier.

stress or no stress

this past week has been very stressful because of the research paper. i told myself last year that i wouldn't wait tell the last min. to do my research paper and guess what you guess it wrote it last min. but i think it was an alright paper because i wrote about how organizations help poets in slam poetry to be noticed and stuff like that.

i'm going on a vacation next week so i had so much stuff to do this week i wanted to finish all the homework before i went to the vacation so i had that. plus i also had to enroll in dvs and sign up for counsling 101 and my dad would never give me a car (i have my license) to go and do that so i had to wait for my mom to take me there. there they almost made me have to go thru the enrollment into the college proses again (althought i enrollled last semester), but i talked them out of it. another thing tha ti had to get done was find a job. i've been trying to find a job almost everywhere i can possiblly think of. i'm going tomarow to san francisco to try and get a job at a vallet parking place where my friend workd he said that he will try to get me in.

my 18th b-day present was a self built guest room in the back yard so now i live outside the house in my own little world. and this week i hosted 4 b-day parties in my room and everyday ended up lasting tell like 3 am in the morning so i barelly got any sleep this week and i still managed to finish a bunch of homework and my research paper. on top of all this i'm training my great dane and preparing him for show.

well i finnally got some art work from my artists and it is amazing. the one she drew for the marshmellow cow is amazing. it is a marsmellow on a stick and that cow is hanging on to it for dear life with a question mark above its head. when i first saw that i could not stop laughing. my cover is a mans bear chest with an eyeball in the middle of it and allthough it sounds kind of weired i like it and it says a lot and absolutely nothing all at the same time. there is one that is especially amazing because it is of a heart that is bleeding and to the side there is a pencil and a paint brush which is cool because thats what my project is about: my feelings writing them and people drawing them for me.

i'm preatty much stuck in work right now i have no idea what more i can be doing with my project except my research paper. my mentor helped me in starting it she told me that i should come up with a question that i want to answer and that will help me figure out what is it that i should write about. because i know a lot about slam poetry already and i can't write about just slam poetry because that is just very broad. i think i'm going to focus my slam poetry paper on the effect on teens. and i think i'm going to involve the slam for teens program or something like that. the one i went to on friday

friday

i finally got to a computer to write something about my Friday. i took 3 of my friends with me and had a fun time we went to the library first and listened to people read there poetry and it was very emotional for one girl. she wrote a poem about the place were she grew up and how the life of hers is so messed up with her friends being raped cars being stolen and how it hurts her. now i don't know if that was about her life or if she just wrote this from her mind so i don't know how much truth is there. she did a very good job and i really liked her poem. another women there wrote a poem about her self and how she is and that she doesn't care what people think about her she is just herself and nothing else and if some one doesn't like that well to bad because that is the way she is. there was one guy there and he wrote a poem about alcohol and how it affected his and his mothers life. it was really cool because he used a new song " blame it on the alcohol" he used one line from that song which was like almost a punch line in his poem. only difference is that his poem was serious so it was preatty emotional to hear it and at the same time it was interesting. i went in front of everyone and read one of my lame poems and idk i felt weired but i guess it was fun in the end because i actually got into it when i read the poem after like the 4th time and i really liked the way i read it because it gave some life to the poem.

after the library we went to the slam poetry teen semi-finals, and oh my god it was amazing i saw one girl from my school there and she thought that she invited me there but i never got her email but i still showed up so it was cool. we also saw the 3 readers from the library perform in the semi-finals and the second girl we heared the one that wrote the poem about how she is got really high scores. one thing i noticed about all the performers was that they either talked fast, or had A LOT of emotions in there peices and it was just very cool to hear other people perform and the type of peotry that they wrote. some of them were about the peoples experiences and some were about hypotheticals but still a general statement to some one weither it was to there mom or about a "friend" it was always about some one or to tell some one something. none of them were about just random stuff.

i have watched some slam videos on youtube and there was all sorts of poems and i really like it sept i can't talk infront of people i can dance in front of anybody and in anything but i can't speak. well i can but its not as easy as dancing for me

planning this out was a lot of fun eventhough when i got home i ended up in trouble anyway because i got home around 12 althought i week before i told me dad "i'm going to be home around 12"

my idea for community service totally failed because i couldn't find anyone who could help me at the time because everybody was to bussy with the show. oh well i'm just going to go to the lindsey wildlife musuem and work there.

blogs

i found some low end poetry blogs that i joined and posted some of my poetry to see what people think of them. a lot of people that have read my poetry have said that they loved it and i should continue making more and it is a very good feeling when someone tells you that you have suceeded in something. my day to day life is much happier now because i have acomplished something that nobody expected and i have got them to like it. i feel really proud of myself. i am thinking of publishing another set, but i don't know if i will have enought time to make more poetry and with school and this project it kind of overwhellming some times. over all i think i'm on track and in a good position. i am planing to go out to open mics and present my poems there. we are having an open mic at school and i want to perform my poems but i have a feeling everybody will make fun of me because there are a lot of people at school who don't like me but that won't stop me from performing and speaking my word. i also found another wrting workshop that i am planing to attend.

getting ready

i'm really looking forward to friday i have got together some of my friends so that i don't have to go alone and be bored out of my mind  even thought i'm pretty  sure it will be a lot  of fun and i will make some more friends but more about that later. i really have no idea what i'm going to be doing project wise because i'm waiting for my artist to finish there pictures so that i can publish my final book so i think for now i'm going to be going to workshops doing open mic and watching slam competition

overdose

My World

 

Why does she do this why does she try

She keeps on ruining me and leaves me to cry

I go home after a day at school

I just want to slit, and drown in my own pool

Of blood which sounds good right about NOW!!!

Of God please tell me why and freak in’ how

Can I stop these thoughts from filling my head?

I just wish that I would just be dead

And then just regret everything I’ve done

While I’m there chillin with my dead homies. Fun

Now I’m chillin now I’ll never die again

Because I’vev done it already so I don’t feel no pain

Jus rotting body 6 ft. underneath your feet

But my soul is flying my soul is eternaly alive swee

Maybe he’ll give me another shoot may be another chance

Maybe this time I won’t mess up maybe I will dance

With the right perople and the right stuff

Maybe I won’t be skinny maybe even buff

All I really want is my sweet heart

To take me on a trip of love. Then I won’t depart

I want to be with her and never leave her side

Watch the sunset watch the moon and the tide

Have a romantic dinner on a sandy beach

Only problem is that there is no beautiful beach

That would match her looks her styles and her taste

But I will do my best and hope it don’t go to waste

Cuz it would be my second chance this I can’t mess up

One more time I can’t mess up.

above is just a preview at what my work is like

well i just overdossed on information about poetry slams. the history, what it is, major players, and other shinanagins like that. i'm not really sure if i'm suppose to say what i found in my research in here because that would take up enought space but i'm going to look at other peoples journals and i shall be writing here soon.

i am having a lot of fun with my project. i am right now looking for a poetry workshop to go to and possible getting into a slam competition but i don't know yet. my only problem right now is my mode of trasportaion. i have none...

my goals right now include: pushing my artists to finish there works so i can publish some hard bound books with art work, push myself to do more research and write my paper, go to a workshop (to show that i did something else other then just write poetry and print it out in a cool looking booklet), get my license so i can get a car so that i can go to a work shop so that i can prove that i'm doin more then just printing my poetry so that i get a good grade on my project so that i can graduate. hehe i just wrote a poem :) i'm amazing. i swear i'm not full of myself.

i just remembered that i need to put pictures in here so i will get that done asap

Added 3/23/09

this is my addition to the post of last week

some of m research includes

finding out that Marc Smith is the one that is given credit for starting slam at Get Me High Lounge in Chicago. The biggest battle of slam ,which included a team from Chicago and a team from San Francisco, took place at Fort Mason. this initially  started the slam movement.

the way a slam goes is the M.C. chooses some judges and there are competitors and there are rounds were the poets get about 3 min each and then are judged and the elimination rubric is usually 8-4-2. there are many different slam competitions. on is called an "open Slam" this is the most common slam type. "invitation Slam" only invited slammers get to perform. "Theme Slam" is were there is a certain theme and the slammers have to say poems that have to do with the theme. theme slams are sometimes restricting but this is so that all demographics are heard

greek

ok so pretty everything i look up for greek poetry all it has to do with is Homer and no body really knows all the perfect details. so i have decided to change my topic because i don't think i can write enought about something that even the web doesn't know a lot about. so i now have to think about what to write about my week this week was preaty much wasted because i researched a lot but got nothing out of it. i'm really sad because now i know that i won't be able to fill up this journal. i'm going to try and get people to comment on my work and i will post some of the comments on here.

artists

i am done with m project right now but i'm going to take it some steps further. right now i am ready to give out book because i printed out the copy that i want and its double sided with no art and its just black and white and the cover is blue. the title of my book is "randomness and life of a teen." i gave it to one person so far to do some drawings for me. the dead line that i gave to this person is may 1st i am looking for a couple more artist to do some drawings in my book who will also get the same dead line. after i get all my at work together i am going to publish a book with artwork and i want it to be hard bound. this week i am going to focus on finishing my research report.

well me going to publish my book was sucessful because i figured out what i really wanted. not i'm having my mom make a bunch of copies of cheaply made book to give out to my friends. this saves me a lot of money. now i am trying to audition artist to create me some art work to go along with my poetry and this will make the book that i really want i am still looking for an outside mentor because i haven' t been able to get out and go to any open mic shows. i need to contact the girl the said she would help me.

today was an amazing day i am done typing up all my poems so now all i have to do id go to kinkos and print the stuff and give them out to my friends woot woot.  i have 15 poems that i put in. including "Fake" which is about my feelings and how i act everyday.  "My World" it is about how everything bad happens to me and what i want out of life. "The Orange Spot" this girl on bart one day was drawing everybody she say and she was really good and she had an orange spot on her cheek from painting. "Crying Cuz Of Bullshit" this poem describes my feelings to my friends and how i live from day to day or don't live? "Feelings & Love" describes how the too combine. "Painless Heart" i heart that feels no pain is not the ideal. "Feel, Heal" hands and eyes that feel and heal. "Marshmallow Cow" it is just a random poem about a cow and a marshmallow. "Feelings" it is about how i believe that the people around me feel and how everybody is also hiding. "Purple Diamond" is about a car even-thought it doesn't sound like it to start with. "The Cat" is about a boy who can't speak up to a girl he likes and the cat has his tongue. "The Wise" it is about poets and describes that they are the wise because they think about what they say. "The Box" just and obstacle and the poem describes how somebody can over come that with ease but not seem like it. "3 Days Words" it is a random poem no structure nothing it is just me collecting words for 3 days and put them all together to make a short poem . "8 Ways to See it" is a poem of new style that my mentor suggested that i do it looks at a kiss from the perspective of 8 different people.

those are all the ones that i want to publish i might come up with more but i don't think i can come up with enough to publish a book.

open mic

so i was told to look into going to some open mic shows. i just spent about 26 songs worth of time looking for a place i can go and be able to perform my poetry without having it copywritten. i found three places that are close and look and sound good to go to. Petars Restaurant in Lafayette which holds an open mic on the second monday of every month. Melt which is in san francisco and it holds its open mics on mondays and fridays and tonight is a originals only night and i think i might go to it all thought it is in about 2 hours and i don't think i can finish all my chores, but i'm hoping for it but then i also have to take into consideration my ride there and if my friend can take me there or not because my parents won't take me there. the last and final place that i looked for was the Black Magaic Vodoo Loundge also in san francisco althought i couldn't understand when the open mic is he did say they have that. sounded like acdc came into there place or atleast somebody yelled "acdc is in the house" haha :)

well i have picked out some poems that i want to put into the book one being the marshmellow cow. it is only 4 lines but it is very funny has nothing to do with anything and it makes one think about what the poem actually thinks. another one i want to put in is the one that my mentor helped me create well told me that i should try to make it like this: i had my binder for a couple days and i wrote down stuff that i saw random just say it and wrote it down. then after those  days i went back to the top of the page and just put all the words together, but not only the words i added stuff in between he words so it would make more sense even thought it absolutely makes no sense it is still fun to read and try to understand everything that is going on. one more that i know i absolutely want to add is one that is about me. it has to do with getting a chance with some one that would care and it is very emotional so i really like it. i want to put in one called "Bullshit" it not anything to do with bad words but it talks about how i feel and how my friends effect me an what they have done for me.

on another thought i want to go to kinkos on saturday if i'm not to busy working at home because i am trying to move into another room outside the house witch will give me more quiet time and i would be able to write and get inspired without any distractions from anyone. 

kinko suprise

i just called kinkos on my ta period because i didn't have any work and to make 10 copies of about 20 poems (1 poem per page) it is about 20 dollars but that is without binding it because i need to go to the store to pick a cover, but the person i was speaking to said that it won't be to expensive. so i can probably sell a copy for about 4-5 dollars. i am so happy that it is that cheap because then i can send a copy to a couple publishers in the bay area at about 5 dollars a copy and yay i'm so happy i have moved forward a little bit.

yesturday i did some more research on greek poetry yet i still haven't read any it looks very interesting. i have got the number of kinkos and i'm planning to call when i don't forget to call after school so that should get me on a start to publishing my own book. i'm setting a goal right now to publish my version of the book next week no latter and sell some to my friends . not for profit but just to rein-burst myself. i am looking for an outside mentor and it is really hard i have no idea were to go and i seriouslly am stuck without outside help right now :(

i am currently doing some research on the history of poetry and i found that it might even be older then literature it self.  "In prehistoric and ancient societies, poetry was used as a way to record cultural events or tell stories"(http://www.poemofquotes.com/articles/history-poetry.php). The oldest poem is "Epic of Gilgamesh" it is a story about a king. This site has a lot of information about the history and i think i just figured out what i am going to write my reashech paper on and its going to be greek poetry.

yesterday my amazing teacher helped me find a place were i can contact for some help. it is a river of words art contest even though  it happened on the 15 i contacted the main person and told that person about the senior project and how i want to publish my poetry and i needed help. although i don't have a response yet i hope i will if not i will contact the general people and try to get help thru there. i still have not gone to the library because i have been packed with hw this week and i use my spare time for that but i just had too much this week so i figured i'll take a lil break. i was suppose to visit my mentor today but i completely forgot so i set a reminder on my email and my phone to come in tomarow. i'm really starting to get this reminder thing down. i'm very forgetful so i am working it out and trying what works best and email is number one for now.

poems

i looked at all my old poems and it looks good and I'm starting a collection to get it ready to publish it thru kinkos. i am going to do research poetry tonight and figure out what i want to do my research paper on i am choosing between doing it on the history of poetry or write it on a poet I'm choosing between Poe or i need to look for a newer poet that i might like. i am going to look at poetry and go to the library to find some poetry that i might like and try to look for a newer style to write in and find some more inspiration

today i finished my collage of words and wrote a poem of it it is so freaking funny and it makes absolutely no since what so ever and i like it because it is random. and i also wrote one about a kiss and the different things it makes people feel and just the stuff one person might think about it i got 8 different ways to explain it and its cool because it is something new and i actually like it because it was a challenge to write and it was hard to come up with stuff other people would think and feel from just a simple thing like a kiss.

trouble

I'm having trouble writing anything in this journal because i don't really do anything else then write poetry. what i really need to do is start looking for a mentor outside of school and that is really hard to find because people are busy.

i am getting my inspiration for my new poetry from everything and anything whatever I'm doing I'm just writing down stuff i see and here and then I'm going to write different poetry from all the stuff that i have written down. it should give me a lot of poems because they are all different times and it should be pretty random and have nothing t do with me because that s my goal and it should be good.

my plans for the up coming week is pretty solid. i want to write a collection of 25 randomness poems about everything and anything but me. that well probably take me a week or two, because i am not use to writing just about whatever. my plans after that is to go to fed ex kinkos and self publish about 10 copies and sell it to my friends and teachers and get some review on what they think about it and what i should change maybe. from this i will learn some of the publishing stuff and selling. i think i will be able to finish this in the two weeks if i have nothing in the way. my huge problem right now is to find an outside mentor. i am having a lot of trouble with this because i don't know anybody and on the internet they usually cost money :(

:(

well overall this week has not been my top notch. I've been very sick so all i have been doing is thinking of different things i can write about and other things i can do to inspire me to write about other things. i tried looking for some help online but that failed miserablly. either nobody is available or they don't want anything to do with me or they cost money and thats not the kind of help that i am looking for.

being sick is making me miss a lot of school so i think i'm going to have to slow down on my project again so that i can use my spare time to catch up on school work so that i can then free up my time and do more project work.

right now i really wish that i would have just taken an English class instead of senior project because it is so much work that its really stressing me out. but i think that i should stay and just keep trying harder right now and not worry about the outcome because in the end i still would have learned something success or not success

first day back

today i talked to my mentor and she helped me a lot with my poetry. gave me some hits and pointers on how i can diversivy my writing.

My Beginings

This week was hecktic i can't find anything that i need. the classes that i was planing to take i can't because i need a prerequzite. i can not figure out how to look for my outside mentor and i am planing to see my on campus mentor to help me out with that.
My project goal is to publish my poetry. thats the broad picture. in more detail i want to self publish a dozen or two of my poems and distribute them myself and get peoples feed back. once that is accomplished i will submit my work to various places (that i have not yet found) and try to get it published and get recognized by more then just my community and peers.
My style of writting is from my perspective mostly and about wut happens to me but very over exagerated to create greater emotion.

i just turned 18 and i'm totally excited for all the stuff i can do now and that is going to play a roll in how much work i'm going to get done. the first thing i went and did was go to clubs and dance there a lot and i think that if i continue this i will get side tract from my goal in all of this because it is kind of a time consumer when you are having lots of fun with friends